today... not bad day. went out with Glad and Jing, Aiwen joined us later at Kino. i really think that if i don't make enough money when i grow up, i will surely overspend and you'll see me digging through garbage cans for food. i hate window shopping because i like buying stuff. i hate it because i will see lots of things that i want to buy but have no ching ching to do so. hmph.

those people were talking about grad. and i was just remembering how excited i was then. you know, last year really was great. as in, the holidays. this year, december will be spent doing up all the stupid homework. last year i went to New Zealand. this year, i'll be lucky if i can get a holiday. dad's got teaching almost every day.

okay back to the kino trip.

Prince of Tennis 3-24, including 10.5 and 20.5
Harry Potter daily calendar
And do you know the book "bunny suicide"? there's a new one! entitled "return of bunny suicides" or something like that. it's so funny...

There is simply too much stuff that i wanna get.

Anyway, i'm still annoyed by something. people get angry at their parents some of the time, it's only natural. i must admit that when i get angry at them, i'll show it by acting defient and screaming in their face. yes, that is wrong, which is why i apologize later and my parents forgive me because they love me and know that what i said was because i was annoyed or in anger and they don't hold it against me. because they love me. though i try not to scream at them because i know it hurts them. (but sometimes, really, it's just irritating and they know it) i mean, we should respect our parents but it is better to voice out unhappiness than let it simmer and then explode in a mirade of poisonous tirades. guess everyone deals with this kind of situation. but get this clear, things can be said in the heat of the moment and no one can truly claim to control their nouth and their words 100 percent. i love my parents and i love my family no matter what happens. this is my family business. not yours. you aint fit to comment on what i say to my family or what they say to me regardless of whose fault it was. so stop it. stop harping on issues that do not concern you. my life.

We are not born with character. It is developed by the experience and decisions that guide our lives. Each individual creates, develops, and nurtures his or her own character. being a man or woman of character is no easy task. It requires tough decisions, many of which puts you at odds with the more commonly accepted social morals of the times.
Making the right ethical choices must become a habit. Decisions cannot be situational, based on other's actions or dependent upon who is watching.
Cowardiness in character, manifested by a lack of intergrity, or honor, will sooner or later manifest itself as cowardiness in other forms. People who have the courage to face up to the ethical challenge in their daily lives, to remain faithful to sacred oaths, have a reservoir of strength from which to draw upon in times of great stress in the heat of battle.

the last few days have been really draining for me. perhaps so much so that i cannot control my emotions and actions as well as i normally can. Don't look so shock, i know what i'm doing, most of the time. but these last few days... i apologize to those who have to deal with my erratic behaviour. i truly am sorry.

but some part of me feels too tired to care. do you know how much of my free time i'm giving up for guides? yes, it was my choice, yes, it's my cca... but nonetheless... you know how it is. but seriously, i am not at back and call of anyone. i was SUPPOSED to go shopping with my mother, i was supposed to sleep in and recover because i'm getting a bloody sore throat. and i'm not going to go into details of what a sore throat means for me. don't feel like going into details about today and the poles. we are not fated that much is clear.

thank god for bitching. i think i love bitching. but i ain't a bitch. get that clear.

i'm a human being who feels freaking pathetic at this moment.

i need a life. and i've really been putting off my piano practicing. sure cannot play moonlight sonata in a day.

i actually think that both taufik and sylvester have endearing qualities. in terms of singing, you should know where i stand. OLINDA. haha. think she's quite pretty. yes, she is. my opinion.

and i think my stomach's giving me problems again. sometimes i can't get anything inside without feeling like it's going to come out any minute. must be the stress.

i miss YY and Sonya and Nette. we really need to go out but Sonya's flying to france on friday and YY will be leaving for New Zealand right after my camp, but we'll find a time! i'll miss them. will be meeting Glad and Jing tmr. will try to persuade them to get me some comics but i think it won't be very successful. okay, whatever, i miss my friends.

don't you miss me too?

see, i have endearing qualities too. hug me!

*dots. really dots*

i'm so tired. tired tired tired. and it seems as though i didn't do any work today. sure, i didn't do any pumpings but i didn't just sit in the den and shake legs. so don't go away with the impression that we're not working our brains out. somehow, there's this sorta nagging feeling at the back of my mind that i forgot to do something... i need to tell Weemin something i think. great, can't remember. some camp stuff. haha, keep on remembering how Quek kept on writing "camp stuff" instead of "camp staff".

i have come to the conclusion that i will cut my hair before camp. maybe on friday or something. not sure. i aint looking forward to tomorrow when we'll be buying all the camp food! very heavy, who's going to help us carry?

and i haven't practiced my piano in a week! oh no! i shall put it off until tomorrow. see, everything leave until tomorrow. what kind of example am i setting? tsk tsk.

this seems to be a rather nonsensical post. i normally don't write such stuff. and i'm starting my homework and my studying in december. so i must hurry up and spend the rest of the days in november to the best of my slacking ability! here's to stoning.

gah, when i heard the sad news yesterday (my own stuff), i wanted to just curl up into a little ball and blame myself, because truly, i know it was my fault. it wasn't that my piano playing skills wasn't good enough, but i guess there needed to be an assurance of my commitment to play for church. practice IS once a week (or more, i think it's a lot more ) and you can't just decide not to go on a whim and expect to play marvelously for service on sunday. guess i need to show that i have that commitment.

but yeah, i just remembered. and when at night, you start dreaming and thinking. or rather, it is at night that our fears come to life because there simply isn't enough light to chase them away. and you huddle underneath the blankets and listen to the wind whistling pass your window... and you sit up, stare into the cloudless night sky and at the cold unblinking moon and you just sit there.

you.just.sit.there.

and then you really remember. the memories start rushing back to you in hordes. and you simply can't stop it. because there is nothing else that fills your mind at that time. and yes, it is melodramatic, i don't doubt that. in the day, and most of the time, you can just laugh off the memories. (at this, i aint talking about good stuff). okay, truthfully, you CAN forget you CAN move on, but sometimes, at times, it's hard.

hard to look back at the good times and imagine better times.
hard to look back at what it was and what could have been.

we all get into periods like that at times.
and i wonder if i'm punishing myself by keeping a constant reminder around me.

at times like this, and when i'm not fighting with my sister, (and i happen to be filled with sisterly love and want to share a SINGLE bed with her), i look at her with fondness for that cute face that has DIMPLES which i don't and who insists that she's cuter than me, what rot, and smile to myself thinking that at least i have someone who will be there for me. i mean, she says i'm weird and can go from nice to maniac mad in one second, but... family. you know? just that kind of feeling. i feel like hugging her now but i think she'll whack me silly. she'd say "don't touch me!" and i'd do so anyway and get whacked. the things i put up with.

tired. very tired. mum doesn't want me watching teevee tonight. sleep early. noooooo. i feel like a bloody addict.

oh my new pretty black bag has a pocket for me to dump my non-existent drumsticks in it. why non-existent? because i'm still using the borrowed ones and i have to get them for my friend when i feel like practicing. i mean, drumming's more of a hobby than whatever piano is but i have yet to get the nice drumsticks. i'm looking for a really nice pair and i'm picky. so i shall go out after camp and finally buy them before christmas. unless someone's willing to buy a pair for me? heehee

gave Ms Heng a picture frame that i decorated with snowflakes, pretty hairtie thingies and a GelGem heart. the picture was one that i took with her after this yr's sec 1 enrolment. it's now on her table, i saw it. kinda like a wedding gift. her wedding's right after guides camp! day after la...

Sonya, i gave her a picture frame too with our favourite mango tree picture with me, YY and her.
i'm gonna give YY the same thing cos i love that picture too. plus something else for her birthday.

love u guys. :P

Happy Birthday to Sonya

Olinda will always be my idol.

Was disappointed yesterday when she left. And i do have a right to say that because i voted not once, but 4 times for her yesterday. if you're upset that she left but you didn't vote, well, i've nothing better to say. i know SI is about the whole package, not just talent, but talent plays a major role as well.

and to me, Olinda looked like an idol.

i liked her wit, her charisma and her confidence. not to mention her talent.

(i know i shouldn't say this, no flames please, but see the power of teenage girls with pocket money and those smart enough should know what i'm talking about)

Will continue this post when i'm not so tired.

(update)
look people, i know i have a temper but that doesn't give you reason to say shit behind my back. if you didn't piss me off big time with your stupidity, i wouldn't have flared up. so think about who's fault it was first before pointing your bloody finger at me and saying that i'm weird and have no reason to be pissed. fine, if you think i'm unreasonable, i've yet to began really being unreasonable. you want a taste of it? please get the situation right before you comment. and don't, just don't give me an opportunity to flare up.

and if you say i'm PMSing when i know i'm not, and i'm acting "oh so unfair", then haha, you're really asking for it.

and no, i'm not being immature. i know very well how i should act and what i should say because when i flare up, i'm very much in control of my actions. perhaps not so emotions but i know what the hell i'm doing. so don't make me do anything that i'd regret.

(update)
TQ is right. Singaporeans have gone deaf. i was so worried about missing SI cos the finals were during my guides camp but now, i can just tape it. no need to get so freaked out and enthu and hyped up about it cos i've lost the need to do so. oh well.

time to cut my hair again soon. it's curling up at the ends. it's so dry and gross anyway. no one will ever say that i've got nice hair because i don't. pootie.

and oh yeah, if i've been acting like a prat, well, i'm not going to exactly excuse my behaviour but i'll let you know that yes, a lot of stuff's been happening in my life and it's one thing after another. i don't have the time to do what i want because i've got meetings and forums and what nots to attend. some are out of obligation but some, like cell group, is definitely not. i know that prepping for camp is no excuse for me to get all huffy at people because i'm not the only one with this. (but seriously don't ever think planning a camp is all easy peasy lemon squeesy) but i'm tired, i'm annoyed, and my tolerence level is near zero.

please try to understand. it's nothing against the people i work with (quek, weemin), it's nothing against my friends. but i'm really really tired. and that's all. that's the reason i sound so tired, --> i feel tired.

people are ignoring me. i hate that. i really don't like feeling invisible. i mean, really! if you actually bothered to pay attention and ask questions if you were unsure, you won't be panicking and worrying away. see, the perils of ignoring me.

okay whatever. hmm, i realised that when i'm annoyed at some people, it's pretty obvious. but sometimes, it's not. i don't claim to hide things very well but i find it amazing that some people can be so oblivious not to notice my annoyance at them. (i guess it's the same for some other people towards me)

come on, it really makes me want to laugh at your naive nature. Innocence? i think not. more like plain stupidity. fine, so i sneer at those who are unaware of who they are, what they want to do, where they want to go. i'm not talking about their incapability to make a decision in terms of what they want to eat or what they want to do when they go out. i'm talking about what they want in LIFE. i'm not entirely sure myself, i doubt anyone is, but i'm not totally clueless.

or it could be the fact that i have a superiority complex. it's often gotten me into trouble because i tend to think i'm better than a lot of people. don't get me wrong, i've got a lovable personality. (gag) but some times i tend to get overwhelmed by this superiority complex even though i may not have much to warrant myself more superior than others.

i said... AT TIMES. very rare nowadays because i think i'm more tolerant. i said, i think.

not all the time. so get a grip. i don't look down at people all the time, especially not my friends.

first, you admit to the flaw, then, you try not to let it show.
because sooner or later, your flaws will lead to a punch in the face.

are you hungry? i'm quite hungry. i'm thinking of warm bread with lettuce and tomato with tuna and egg mayo and a cup of cold milo. so i'm going to eat my breakfast which is what that is.

HOORAY

"crushes sometimes hardly ever becomes love (which is mutual) because, not surprisingly, we put the person we adore on a pedestal and after really knowing him, we realise that he cannot match up to our expectations... not a nice experience. any wonder why they call it a "crush"? haha... then again... isnt it ironic. sometimes you know that person is not that worth liking, and yet, you still adore him. then you think its so bloody bad that he doesnt know what he is doing to you (and you think about telling him... ) and thus you hate him but then again, since he doesnt know, its not intentional... anyway, you still end up pining for him while he thinks that you are bloody invisible. you know you shouldnt, but you cant help yourself."

-the wise words of Benita

of course i don't mean anything in putting that there, i just felt that it was really true... kinda meaningful? i wonder if i had said something like that to her as well?

anyway, church today.

sat: went out with Samantha Lim, Sotong, my sis. strange that i am going out with friends of my sister's. talked to Sam Loh today as well, she is quite lame, with all her hahas and not funny la. i need to go out and shop real bad. what else. i sleep a lot and do weird things like dance on the ceiling more often. ahem. found out that Clay Aiken's new christmas album will be out soon. whoopie!

and yup, also learnt that a lot of people support Olinda from Singapore Idol but they don't vote for her. please do, if not, she won't win... it's only 50 cents. don't drink ice milo for one day can already. if you think your one vote won't count, imagine if 100 people thought the same way. i think it would be a waste of pure talent if she leaves before the final 2.

i saw my eye candy again. another reason to love Sundays. but he was waiting at the side of the road there. and then he walked off. so i pouted. okay, hahas. then, when i was waiting for the bus and i just happened to glance idly out of the corner of my eye, (while cursing the quality of my newly developed photos thanks to my only 1.8 mega pixel camera grr...), i saw him again... so cute!!! gah, i'm going to gush again. here goes. white button down shirt. black jeans again. and the white shirt is from HUGO BOSS. i can recognize that! obviously since he was a distance away, i had to open my eyes damn wide. and he was wearing this cool pair of sunglassess. mmhhmm... and the best part!!!! he saw my big goldfish eyes... and he walked over!!!! and then he like whipped off his sunglassess in this totally suave way... wah, sounds so dramatic. but it's true. and he gave me this totally sweet smile... and then he winked. my first thought was... *poser* and you could hear the sound of my heart breaking. okay, or maybe cos i'm really afraid he's this rich kid who likes attention. then he said "hi again" and i just smiled. i think i'm a dumbo. to further confirm this fact, the 112 came and i got on. STUPID. and he just stood there and waved. obviously he wasn't waiting for the bus this time. i am such an idiot. *sob sob sob*

okay, enough of berating myself. keyboard auditions for church are soon. 10 people for one slot. small chance for me, especially since i'm not good at piano if you throw it at me and expect me to play it in a few hours or so, i can perfect it in a week but not in a day. horrible sight reading. and the audition i think i will just have an hour to practice with the band. oh no... i really want this.

know what's really strange? when you really really want something so much that if you don't get it, you feel as though your world will crash and tumble down on you, you most probably won't get it. perhaps it's the lowered expectations and when you realise that you won't die without it, you MAY get it in little bits and pieces. or in a way you didn't expect.

Clarence said that he lived life without worrying about things. i mean, for me, worry is natural and is part of life. i find that i really can't leave everything behind and NOT worry about it. i mean, it works for him but somehow i can't really let go totally/completely. yes, life shouldn't be spent worrying, shouldn't be spent living in the darkness of despair and pessismism. but when things in life get you down, inevitably there will exist within you a sense of that hopelessness.

when i re-evaluate the past year, i look back and wonder how i could let some things affect me so greatly last time. i read my blog's previous posts often because i like to remember stuff that happened and this year was somewhat much more pessismistic than previous years. guess i've managed to come to terms with certain situations and it's more a form of acceptance rather than a form of letting go.

i can't let go because those memories ARE and will remain a part of me. perhaps i'm even stronger because of what i experienced, no matter how bad those times were. right now, i guess i'm satisfied with whatever little thing i get. and the truth of the matter is, even though there are things in my life that i want really badly, i'm not that bad off in terms of friendship and people who care about me. i know i have very high expectations of life in general but when i think back, i may not have some things but i have others that are more important.

i have many things in life to be thankful for.
still, even though there may have been more disappointments than happiness, i don't regret feeling what i did this year. it really has made me grown.

i feel that i'm rediscovering a lot about myself and life and just doing some sort of prioritizing. my faith in God has certainly grown stronger this year and even though at some points of time i don't understand how God could have let these things happen to me and i even want to blame him for not loving me, i don't now. i understand that everything God does he does for a reason and that even if no one loves me, God will and he'll always be there for me. he knows what's in store for me and he knows that what i want may not be what is good for me.

i am thankful for the little and great things.
i love you, all those who have made footprints in my life.

OP was kinda fun. KINDA being the word. Lofthouse and Goh were really nice people, and Goh just kept on looking at me when i was presenting. he looked at me in the way that said he was paying attention. yup, so that was really good. and his eyes... like can connect to you like that, sounds rather corny though. and when i was answering the question that Lofthouse asked, he actually said that he felt it was quite interesting to him and he related an experience of his back when he was in England. it was a friendly kinda discussion, not super formal or anything.

then after i came home my dad told me something about how MOE's gonna reduce the amount we have to do for PW. he heard it on the radio after he sent me for my oral presentation. what the... i mean, after i had that much trouble with it, you jolly well make the next batch doing it slog like no one's business. give them hell i say! no offence to my Sec 4 friends. but if i had to suffer, you better all suffer too!

crap, i still have a lot of things to do but not enough time to do them because i have an addiction to the TeeVee. and i can't miss my show! it's the champion what do you expect? haha, Qi YuWu, Yan Xingshu and Julian Hee... oh plus Toro! can't blame me.

okay, shall come home tomorrow from organizing my Group project file and add on to this post.

*flies off*

i am super shagged... so freaking tired. just came back from church and in a few hours i have to attend the national youth council workgroup meeting at Somerset. but before that, i have to rehearse my script for OP again and do some other thing that i've forgotten but i think it should be pretty important. however, my brain's pretty dead so i can't really remember anything.

anyway, sat night was pretty good. cos i came home and i talked on msn with YY and Sonya. separate convos but nonetheless... just felt really good talking to YY after not talking to her for so long. so yup. think it was a good day.

what else? i just feel like going to sleep for a very very long time and not waking up. if i have big panda eyes during the presentation tomorrow... i know it's stress. aiya, so many things to do not enough time. i don't even have time to complain. like how Singaporeans are like when there are freebies and innocent bystanders get caught up in the mad rush of things. poor me.

and oh... eye candy spotted today! damnit, i almost drooled. i was coming home from church... so cute... damnit, i sound desperate. but i'm not, trust me k. let's just leave it as i know how to appreciate the beautiful things in life. haha... loved his hairstyle, loved the clothes he had on, i swear he must be a metrosexual because he has such great dress sense. okay, or maybe it's cos he had on this dark blue shirt and black jeans. he looked like he worked out at gyms but not too muscular type you know? great facial features too!

ahem, enough gushing. i think he knew i was *ahem* checking him out. because i was just hanging at the bus stop waiting for the 112 and he was next to me. and i just LOOKED. then he looked back at me and i turned away to look at nothing in particular. and i was going "crap, i think he knows..." and then when i looked back, he was staring at me. so i gave him this look and then i smiled. and then he smiled back!!! so sweet looking!!! then he was looking at my ears... and he said "nice earrings..." and i was inwardly melting into a muddle of goo. lucky thing i wore those 5 star earrings that i never wore before until today. so i said "thanks" and then turned away cos my brain wasn't functioning right. i tend to babble when that happens, like now! then the stupid bus came. and we stopped at the same stop but he went in the opposite direction from me! but he did say " see ya around" before we parted ways. and i didn't even get to know his name! gah! his voice is so super sexy.

okay, ahem. this post was not meant to gush about good looking guys. it's about how tired i am!

i realised that the greatest compliment anyone can receive is anything good that comes from the mouth of your sibling. really. because they know EVERYTHING. okay, not know everything like the answers to the mysteries of life but they know you pretty well. after all, they LIVE with you.

anyway, my sister said this "i was bored and so i took a look at the X fanfics. and the first fic i saw was yours so i read it. and while i was reading it, i was going... is this really my sister? did she really write something like this?"

and i went "good or bad? tell me leh..." *insert really whiny tone of voice*

my sister went "it was good. it's just kinda close to R rated! i didn't know you could write stuff like that!" (now we bare in mind that we both know each other is so totally not innocent.)

and i went "underlying sexual tension! they didn't do anything! that is what makes a good writer... *me bragging again* and i saved the file under 'ahem' because i was shocked at myself for even going so close..."

okay... so the fic was kinda *ahem* going to R rated... but it's not! really... it's er... er, PG. yeah.

and you can tell we're not innocent. i had this ugly bruise on my arm and i screamed to my mum... "ma! bruise! i think Cheryl bang me!" and my sister looked at me and then we both burst into screams of laughter. a few years ago i wouldn't even make anything of that comment but now...

innocence shattered in the journey of life

haha. okay, but i guess i have the confidence to write again. for some time i just didn't feel like writing. and today i bought The Tale of the Body Thief! another thing to cross out from my wishlist... yeah! and i really really loveee Maksim. He is sooooooooo *swoons* ... good. let me tell you... those fingers of his... fantastic piano playing... classical music with a modern twist. i love men who can play the piano. i love men who can appreciate classical music.

i have faith that Monday's OP will be quite alright. unless i manage to cock it up. tsk tsk. my tie chokes me to death. if it isn't tight, i look sloppy. if it's tight, i die. hard to choose eh? stupid independent checklist to do.

Better than the riches of this world
Better than the sound of my friend's voices
Better than the biggest dreams of my heart
And that's just the start

Better than getting what I say I need
Better than living the life that I want to
Better than the love anyone could give
Your love is

You hold me now in your arms
And never let me go

You oh lord make the sun shine
And the moon light in the night sky
You give me breath and all your love
I give my heart to you because

I can't stop falling in love with you
I'll never stop falling in love with you
I can't stop falling in love with you
I'll never stop falling in love with you

-"Better than life"

argh. i have lost my intergration tutorial 9.3 and 9.5. actually, i lost them even before the promos. shall haven to borrow them from YuXin again. that nice girl... she's always lending me the stuff i misplace... which is very often. love her! and no, i'm not doing math or studying early, i am collating my homework. or rather, making sure that i have the questions to do during the holidays.

i'm such a slacker. really. get rid of those disbelieving looks. so far, i have done nothing in the past 3 days but eat and sleep and stare at the blinking box... *my favourite box... my Teevee!* i really love stoning. no wonder Jian Yong loves it so much. it's so marvelous just having nothing to do. actually, i do have stuff to do, like getting ready for my OP but who cares.

had piano again. gah, i will never be able to be as pro as those grade 8 students. i know that my standard isn't even grade 7 really. or rather, grade 7 and grade 8 has such a freaking huge difference! Marie was super pro... she played such nice pieces. i wanna play nice songs too.

rain rain rain rain. made my black Charles and Keith shoe wet. was so annoyed. i love those shoes man! *shakes fist at rain*

let's see...
monday: OP
tuesday: slack
wednesday: met Quek and Weemin for camp prep. then slack
thursday: piano

and amidst it all, i found time to watch 4 hours of teevee per day. at least 4 hours. my CSI! i really like the miami one... i started off watching that one before the original one anyway. David Caruso is so cool. no no, wednesday i actually watched 6 hours! and between that, i was watching channelnewsasia for the American elections.

and i wrote a new fanfic. i love it! totally cool. heehee, the title's Tempting the Devil.

"Evil. It horrifies us, terrifies us but yet at the same time fascinates us. We are drawn to it simply because we recognize the fact that deep down, anyone of us, no matter how good, how kind, or how pure in spirit, are susceptible to the evil inside of us, not matter how deeply it is buried.
Sometimes it seems so cynical to claim that everyone has a source of evil within us, but the truth is that it was always there, waiting silently. We are all capable of doing harm, no matter how strongly we may choose to deny that fact."
-opening para-

just remember that i may not always write what i believe.

i'm a bloody slacker. do u know that i have 3 essays for history due??? and so much math and so much stupid econs to revise because i suck at it.

and i still want so badly to go shopping. it makes me forget i'm depressed.

down with PW!

oh... yay that the Republicans won... i perfer them to the Democrats. i'm not going into some political debate so this is merely my opinion. i think Bush isn't a bad president. it's definitely hard to do what he does in today's world, what with terrorism and stuff. he can't really be blamed. he started the war, people blame him for the deaths. if he didn't do anything, people would say he wasn't looking out for the nation's interest, see how tough it is? and btw, i think his dog is so totally cute. scottish terrier!

ohio was the swing state vote and really... it's cool that so many people voted this time.

i admit it. i'm insanely jealous. sorry people, i'm not someone with beautiful wings and a halo. but then again, i don't have horns and a pitchfork either.

would an image of a black winged angel help your perception of me?

i'm sorry. so so sorry. dreadfully so. i never meant to be jealous. i never meant to get into some sort of self pity mood which i swore to myself never to be involved in again. look where that got me at any rate.

i wonder if i'm tossing around that J word so frivolously.

i'm not even sure you'll call it jealousy.

i just want to cry and wail and bemoan my sad state of existance while at the same time ignoring the pointed looks of contempt from people who believe i have no right to do so.

heck! i know how bad contemptuous looks can make you feel because i, not shamefully, have tossed more than a handful of contemptuous looks at other people in my lifetime.

yes! and i'm proudly proclaiming the fact that i possess countless faults and am not ashame to admit it. after all, you could hardly blame me, considering that all of us are human and have erred miserably some time or other.

at times, i'm not even sure of myself and what i really want. not sure i want to be alone and not sure if i want to be surronded by friends. i just know that i would rather be in the company of really close friends at this point of time. perhaps my own company turns me off a bit at this point. see, told you i'm rather confused.

when i'm feeling like this, the whole world seems to be mocking me.
the situation used to be so different you know?

i weep not only because of the situation now
but also because of what the situation was

ah, the strange thing called life.

Clarence told me to remove the image of the slorg being shot. i agree, so it's gone.

there's not much you can say on a blog without offending someone. somehow i've re re re rewritten this post over and over again. i keep on writing something and then erasing it because i don't want to reveal too much. but i feel that if i don't write about it, it'll just be another issue that'll keep on bugging me.

fine. i just erased my post again. okay, fine. i'm just disappointed and irritated and annoyed. not even marshmellows will help me.

please! i just want things to go back to the way they used to be. *goes down on knees to beg*

please? please? please?

i just want you to understand! i just want to know...

and no! it's not a boyfriend problem because you need a guy for that to happen and i don't have one!
and no! i don't need anger management because i'm just venting.

but oh well, perhaps it's just a strong reaction at this point of time. i'll get over it.

and another thing, contrary to popular belief, i CAN control my temper. so i don't need anger management and i hate people telling me i need it. yaya, it's a JOKE, but sorry, i don't take jokes well.
no, i can take jokes... just that i can't take jokes when i'm annoyed and had a bad day.
you'll know when i'm having a bad day when i'm not smiling.
life's simple with me.
frown-- bad day
smile-- good day

so clever!